BXProject

no, I think we're down to minus 7 now!

I do seem to be rather unlucky in some ways, and then lucky that it wasn't worse. A few years ago I was drinking in Sheffield, when I (coincidentally?) had slight difficulty in standing upright. My mate I was with led me to some railings and told me to lean on them. I, however, decided to sit on them, happily oblivious to the 8 foot drop onto concrete below. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I remember laying on the floor below laughing my head off at my mate's shocked face. No damage done whatsoever - I think had I been more aware and braced myself for the impact it could have been different.

Another drinking story now - back when I was at Uni I had gone to visit my mate who had gone to Cambridge. He had finished his exams and it seemed like a good excuse for a few celebratory drinks. After drinking for most of the afternoon and evening he remembered there was an event on at one of the student halls of residence. If you didn't live at that hall you couldn't get in after (I think) 10pm and he didn't. This scuppered our chances of getting in and meeting the nice girlies that were guaranteed to be present. Until someone had the bright idea that there was no security to prevent access from the river that backed onto it! So we 'borrowed' a punt with the intention of gaining access that way.

Unfortunately there was more (10) of us than the 6 persons max the punts were designed for, and our progress was not exactly steady as we meandered down river fully tanked up. The inevitable happened and it started taking on water. In the ensuing panic I fell overboard, as did another girl. The lightening of the load had the bonus of making the punt ride higher in the water, and so we made it to the event with a couple of us swimming alongside. The rest of the group generously donated clothing to us, and I spent a large amount of the evening in the toilets wearing a tight fitting crop top (with pink lacy bits) with my phone in pieces trying to dry it out.

what is it with you and phones?

I'm noticing a mild drink related theme to most of these..

OK, here is one completely stone cold sober!



I was knocking in fence posts with a tool similar to this,



when I accidentally lifted it too high. The lower rim of the tube caught the top of the post (which was about head hight) and it slipped through my hands and...er...caught me on the head slightly.

Your meant to use the post knocker to knock the posts in, not use it to protect the post while you head butt them in!

I fell overboard, as did another girl.

in the toilets wearing a tight fitting crop top (with pink lacy bits)

Wow! I would never have guessed Mat. Your sex change is really convincing.

Vanny wrote:Your meant to use the post knocker to knock the posts in, not use it to protect the post while you head butt them in!

I fell overboard, as did another girl.

Not how I intended it!

On the subject of girls, I was on the way to a 'hot date' with a girl I had recently met, and on the way I thought it best to give the car a bit of a clean, so that it would match my freshly scrubbed appearence. So I find a drive through car wash, go in, wind down the window (very slowly due to an aging motor) and put in the money. With the window would halfway back up I noticed that I had forgotten to push the aerial back in, so I wound the window down again, and try and reach the aerial. No such luck, so I decide to open the door, get out and push it down that way. By the time I got to the aerial the roller brushes had begun to spin and douse me with soapy water, so I quickly got back in the car and started to wind up the window.
Unfortunately not fast enough to prevent a soaking through the half open window. I was trying to pull up the window with one hand, the other on the button but the bristles were surprisingly abrasive on my fingers. And my aerial still got snapped off! It wasn't the best preparation for the evening ahead, although I did get to the pub on time, and met her a couple of times after that...

Given up on the taking them for a drink bit.... Just ask if they fancy a shag nowadays.

If they say no it cost you nothing. If they say yes you know your in there

One actually said to me, save the booze for someone else. I happen to like sex

Not so much of a lucky escape this one (but you could argue it is in a way) but just a funny story which sounds too bizarre to be true!

It was a sunny day just before the Easter weekend, while I was at Uni in Sheffield. I was just becoming mates with a girl who I rather liked, so I had the great idea of trying to impress her taking her to the seaside (Bridlington) in my car. Why I thought she would be impressed with a trip to a seedy seaside town in my Grandadmobile Hyundai Stellar I'm now not so sure of, but at the time it made sense.

Anyway, it was such a lovely day that we were both wearing shorts. I had the foresight to bring a pair of trousers with me, which, as we decided to stay into the evening was a wise idea as the temperature dropped. Being the chivalrous kind of guy I am, when she got cold I donated my trousers to her - still hoping I would be able to get her out of them later.

In one of the pubs we met a huge guy and his girlfriend. We got chatting and it turned out he was a bouncer at the local club (Harbour Lights?) They suggested we came along, so later that evening we did. Bearing in mind this was a strictly shirt and shoes kind of place rather than T shirt and trainers, the fact that I was still in T shirt, trainers and shorts made me feel a little self conscious. Especially as I was sober so I could drive us back afterwards! We met up with our new 'friend' and fortunately he let us in, much to the surprise and displeasure of those that were being turned away because their shoes weren't shiny enough!

After a while she explained to me that she was actually a lesbian, and not only that she fancied the girlfriend of the bouncer we met earlier. To make matters worse, this girl was also in the club and obviously of a similar persuasion as I caught them snogging passionately. It's not a turn on when she chooses the girl instead of you...

After a while they both disappeared but I stuck around in case they were still there. I needed to give her a lift back as I couldn't just abandon her! I saw the bouncer furiously looking for someone, so I kept a low profile (not easy being the only one in shorts!)

At the end of the evening it became clear that they had both left the building, at which point I became rather nervous that the bouncer would blame me for it and give me a beating. I managed to leave via a window in the Gents and got back to my car, where I spent the night in some woodland.

Not having a sleeping bag or indeed any warm clothes I did not sleep too well, so was listening to Radio 1 early on Good Friday morning. They asked people to phone in to say if they were having a good Friday or a bad Friday - I was having a very bad Friday, being over 100 miles from home, having slept in my shorts alone on the back seat of my car, after the girl I fancied turned out to be a lesbian and had disappeared with another girl. Whilst she was wearing my bloody trousers!

lesbian trousers, mmmmm

^^^^
LOL and one of the many reasons in my car I have amongst other things a nice big fleece blanket, a pillow, some food, a gas stove, some drinkable fluids and a selection of DVD's

Oh, and that Im married to a bunny boiler that will chuck me out to kip in the car without a moments thought if I piss her off.

Could have been worse Mat. She could have had you over the bonnet with her strap on!!!

Father Ted wrote:Oh, and that Im married to a bunny boiler that will chuck me out to kip in the car without a moments thought if I piss her off.

I thought you had the caravan for these sort of emergencies?

Must be a more comfortable eventuality in both circumstances?

If mine was that bad, I'd move out permanently and fuckin leave her to it.